I fear you will never know what you mean to me. So here is the story of our life.
You were born on June 19, 2014. This was by far the greatest day of my life. Your mother and I had a long debate about who’s last name you were going to have. This is because she and I were never married and had not been a couple since very soon after we got pregnant with you. Needless to say I won that debate 😉
Even though I was very nervous and scared to be a new dad, I was always ready to be the best dad I could be and always put you first in my life, even if it meant that I needed to sacrifice my own well being. I needed to make sure that the most precious thing in my life, my daughter, was well taken care of.
But before we dive further into the moments when you arrived, let’s go back even further so you can understand a little better where you come from.
I am one of 4 kids, all raised by your grandmother, who you used to call “Nanny”. My 2 sisters, my brother, and I were all raised in Arlington Massachusetts, near the big city of Boston. Your uncle Josh is the oldest, and your aunt Naomi is the second oldest. Then comes me, and the youngest is your aunt Sarah. After we all grew up we had kids of our own. So you have many cousins, but I’ll talk about them later.
When I turned 18 years old I decided to move out on my own. I’ve lived in many different states on the east coast, including New York, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Florida, and even Tennessee. During this time of about 12 years I had many different jobs, but I have always continued to teach myself about web design and even started my own small business building and maintaining websites for other small businesses.
Well, when I turned 30 years old a friend offered me a job in Charleston, South Carolina. Since I wasn’t making quite enough money at the time I decided to move to Charleston and became a wedding photographer. Within a few years I had met many people who needed some web services so my web design business steadily grew.
In 2012, when I was 35 years old, I was feeling pretty depressed. I had just gone through a pretty emotional breakup with my previous girlfriend. So I was drinking too much alcohol and hanging out with the wrong people. In a way I felt lost. I’m sure you’ve been told that life can be hard sometimes. But usually the hardest times come when we make bad choices or decisions. And during this rough patch I was making many bad choices in my life and causing my own headaches. It was during this time that I met your mother.
Now, I know you may not understand what I am about to say because you have not lived my life. But here it goes. The worst decision I have ever made turned into the best decision of my life. Because you are here and you are a blessing. You are the most important and best part of my life.
I hope this story helps you understand all this better.
When your mother and I first met, there were many “red flags”. That means that there were things about her that I knew could be a problem in our relationship. But I really liked some very good qualities she has. So the relationship continued. We moved in together very quickly and spent a lot of time with each other.
After a few months those “red flags” started to become destructive issues in our relationship. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t have issues of my own and I know everyone does. But the ones I saw in your mother were not issues that I was willing to deal with in my future life. So as your mother realized that I wanted things to be better, and I started trying to help the relationship get healthier, I believe it confused her, upset her, and in some way she felt hurt. So her reaction was to try to hurt me more, which is never a good idea. I tried for months to reason with her and help her get a hold of her emotions but things just seemed to get worse. Her goal to hurt me ultimately led to her cheating on me and irreparably destroying our relationship. So after months of trying and trying, I decided to give up after I discovered the cheating.
About a few days after I ended our relationship, your mother texted me a picture of her positive pregnancy test. My first thought was that she got pregnant in her relationship with the other guy, but after a conversation she assured me she knew I was the father. This was pretty hard to hear since at this point I was relieved to have ended our relationship. So I battled with some thoughts and emotions. But eventually, after a few weeks I had made it my number one goal and priority to be the absolute best dad I could ever be, because that is what any child deserves. Especially my child.
You see, I didn’t have a dad growing up, so I know what that is like. And everything can be fine being raised by one of your parents. But the truth is that each parent is very valuable in different ways. And if one of those is taken away, then no matter what, the kid, or kids, lose.
I did have a few very good father figures in my young life. I saw what a good man and dad was supposed to be. I also saw some very good fathers with their kids and it made a huge impression on my mind and heart. So I knew I could be the dad you needed.